Emily Regan

My challenge is at an end and, surprisingly, Jon didn’t need to keep the nice people in white coats on speed dial while I undertook this challenge. While I partially expected myself to get obsessive and weird over this challenge, I was surprised to find it was actually more stabilizing for my mental health than not. The last couple weeks have been filled with receiving tough news, not the least of which was the news of my father’s health, and it was helpful to have something else to focus on. Completing the list of chores gave me small, manageable goals that I could control, which helped me to balance out the feelings of helplessness that otherwise plagued me.

Challenging Biases

Today, Jon, Kiddo, and I decided to have a Harry Potter movie marathon. I’ve loved Harry Potter since I was a kid, but I hate the shadow that has been cast over the franchise in recent years with J.K. Rowling’s transphobia, with a particular resurgence during this pride month. However, I do think this is one of those instances in which the art supersedes the creator and I refuse to let the hatred of J.K. Rowling define the fandom.

Moving on, today I found myself thinking about Molly Weasley. Matriarch of the Weasley family, Molly is strong, brave, loving, and a boss ass witch capable of murdering the fuck out of Bellatrix Lestrange.

Molly is an incredibly powerful witch who chooses to focus on her family and is willing to fight for what is right. She is also very welcoming and takes in Harry before she even realizes who he is; to her that first day at the train station, he’s a young boy who has been ostracized from his family just for being different and she immediately decides to accept him as one of her own, not because he’s the chosen one, but because he needs a family.

While I’ve always supported other women choosing to be stay-at-home moms, I realized that I had a huge bias against being categorized as one myself because I was worried that I would no longer be seen as an individual person. But, when I took the time to reflect on that by blogging throughout this challenge, I’ve realized that the people who are going to pigeonhole me are going to do it regardless of what I do. Some people will label me as “just a mom” if I stay home, and others will shame me for working if I get a job. I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t, so why the fuck do I care what these judgmental assholes think?

Having anxiety means my brains spends an inordinate amount of time mulling over every little thing that could go wrong and due to trauma from my childhood, I am constantly scrutinizing every little thing I do because I don’t know what seemingly innocuous action could bring on a punishment.

But in doing this challenge, I feel like I’ve gained more confidence in myself and certainty in who I am. I can’t control how other people are going to categorize me, so I shouldn’t let myself be dictated by these categorizations, whether they are perceived or an actuality. Am I reading too much into a challenge that involved scrubbing the walls and baseboards of my house? Maybe. But this experiment also caused me to challenge my biases and self-demeaning thoughts that made me so resistant to fulfilling a typical gender role in my life, so it feels like a win.

What I’ve Learned

If I had to summarize my last two weeks in this challenge, this is what I’d say are my main takeaways:

• Other people’s opinions don’t matter as long as my son is happy and healthy.
• Chaos does not have to equal creativity.
• Cleaning is a lot easier than I thought it was and takes minimal effort to maintain once I’m through the deep clean.

Oh, and:

• Jon had no idea our oven had a window in it.

Not everything is an earth-shattering revelation; sometimes they’re just funny.

Now What?

I don’t know. As I said in yesterday’s post, I’m planning on keeping some of the cleaning list, namely the daily list plus a few extras. Blogging every day has also helped to kickstart my creativity because I enjoy the accomplishment I feel from doing it. I don’t think I’m going to continue blogging every day because I feel I don’t always have something interesting to say, but I think I would like to get back into writing every day, even if it’s only a sentence or two. I have a lot of projects on my plate, including multiple fanfic projects as well as a novel that I’ve had in my back pocket for a bit. I also had an idea for a collection of short pieces I’d like to do, and consistent writing has given me motivation to work on these projects despite all of the other stressors I have in my life right now.

Overall, this feels like it was a positive experience for me. Exhausting, sure, but ultimately I feel better having done it.

I know this is where I usually promote my Patreon, but…click here to learn more about The Trevor Project and find ways you can help support LGBTQ+ youth.

It’s what Molly Weasley would do.

As per the weekly lists, I was back in the kitchen today. However, much like the other rooms of my house, cleaning the kitchen wasn’t that bad considering I’d just done it last week so a lot of the more time consuming tasks like checking expiration dates in the pantry were already done. Even taking everything out of all the drawers and cabinets didn’t feel as bad this time around.

I do have to be honest though. When I started this challenge, I mentioned my mental health as a factor for why I wanted to do this challenge to give myself some daily structure. I woke up this morning and felt that really heavy weight of depression on me today. The stress I’ve been dealing with lately outside of the challenge has been a lot, and it was kind of hard to haul myself out of bed today. However, rather than just get back into bed after I did school stuff with Kiddo, I forced myself to stay on track with the challenge. I feel completely drained on every level, but I also feel accomplished and proud of myself for winning this particular battle against my brain. Plus, now my kitchen is extra lovely and I can celebrate my victory in my clean house.

Take a Look, It’s in a Book

I ordered a book when I started this challenge and today, it finally arrived! I am now the proud-ish owner of a 1937 copy of The Household Searchlight Homemaking Guide. As I mentioned in my last post, a lot of companies put out various publications for young women and this one is from The Household Magazine. This magazine was published monthly starting in 1900 until it folded in 1958 and they produced a couple of books, including The Household Searchlight Recipe Book as well as my aforementioned The Household Searchlight Homemaking Guide. The book covers essential home and etiquette topics from weddings to table setting to early childcare and housework essentials.

Table Settings

Holy crap. I knew dining wear etiquette could be extensive, but this is…a lot. I honestly had no idea there were so many ways to set a table, but the book includes instructions on how to set the table for:

• Informal Breakfast
• Informal Brunch
• Informal Tea
• Formal Tea
• Buffet Service (including three possible variations)
• Dessert at Buffet Meals
• The Bridge Table
• Formal Dinner

Each of these include instructions for linens, china dish service, silver service, glass service, and table decorations (and may whatever god you pray to have mercy on your soul if you dare to use colored pottery as table decor on tables laid for formal service).

The book also includes menu suggestions for every type of meal, including:

• Breakfast
• Informal Luncheon
• Formal Luncheon
• Bridge Luncheon
• Informal Dinner
• Formal Dinner
• Buffet Supper
• Formal Tea
• Informal Tea
• Family Dinner
• Holidays, including:
  • Capon Christmas Dinner
  • Turkey Christmas Dinner
  • Thanksgiving Dinner
  • St. Patrick’s Dinner (no green beer, in case you were wondering)
  • Washington Luncheon
  • Easter Luncheon
  • Valentine Luncheon
  • Halloween Luncheon (presumably before the devil bursts out of the ground and steals your soul)
  • July Fourth Luncheon
  • May Day Luncheon
  • Brunch Menu
  • Griddle-Cake Supper
  • Supper Menu
  • Before the Game
  • After the Game
  • Before the Theater
  • After the Theater
  • Sausage Waffle Supper
  • Nut Waffle Supper
  • Chocolate Waffle Supper

I read this list to Jon and he offered to get me a glass of water since I sounded so winded when I was done.

Health and Beauty

I was eagerly anticipating this section and I was not disappointed. Suggestions for keeping trim include mowing the lawn or tending to the garden to “keep your knees and hips limber.” I don’t know if you’ve ever gardened, but I always feel creaky and like I’ve aged thirty years after kneeling at a flower bed for thirty minutes.

But perhaps my favorite part was in the part about the importance of an adequate diet. Check out the first item listed, which also happens to be my favorite:

The editors of this book literally thought women were too fucking dumb to get oxygen without instruction. Jon was a little disappointed that “death” was not listed as one of the effects of the lack of this essential substance, but I pointed out that, according to the conversational advice section, that is an unpleasant topic that “takes all the sparkle out of your conversation.”

This section also spent quite a bit of time focused on the horror of facial wrinkles (which was an amusing contrast to their suggestion of a daily “sun bath” while covered in oil). Additionally, reading through the extensive grooming instructions was exhausting and I’m pretty sure if I followed the directions, I’d spend my entire day grooming myself. Then again, maybe it would be like the cleaning guidelines I’ve been following for the last ten days and I’d find them easier once I got the hang of it.

However, modifications would need to be made. If I end up doing some kind of vintage health and beauty challenge, I will definitely skip the home skin bleaching. One, because it’s gross and problematic that women were encouraged to be as white as possible to fit a supposed “ideal” beauty standard, and two, because I’m already so pale that I’m practically translucent.

What’s in a Book?

Overall, the book I got fascinates me. This is partly due to my interest in how women were instructed to live their lives versus now, when there are so many more options available because we and the women who came before us fought so hard for them. As I read on, I realized how much this book also started to stress me out because the standards are set so high. I understand that it’s a guide book intended to provide a comprehensive framework for life, but as I flipped through it, I started to feel both intimidated and micromanaged. In the health and beauty section, there’s a part called, “Mouth, Teeth, and Breath.” I assumed this was mostly going to include similar sentiments to those expressed in the ads I discussed yesterday (“Use this brand of toothpaste or your husband will leave you!”) but first, it said this:

“Every person’s mouth gives a short description of the inner person. It tells if he is kind and sweet-tempered, if he faces life serenely and adjusts to it, or if he is at war with his surroundings. Massage cannot keep mouth corners from drooping, or lips from becoming hard, tight lines, if troubles are brooded over constantly. Thoughts actually shape the mouth. Teach yourself to be industrious; work hard at whatever your work may be. Think about happy things in your life. Even though your mouth may not be lovely, this sort of acting and thinking will give it charm.”

This advice isn’t completely unfounded, as there is scientific data that supports smiling as a mood booster, as well as increasing your attractiveness to other people. However, to me, the passage from this book sounds like, “Don’t think icky thoughts! Smile through the existential dread! Smile! Smile! SMILE!”

Even today, women are still often told they should smile regardless of what’s going on in their lives, usually because the men around them would prefer to look at smiling women because that creates prettier scenery for them.

I’ll brush my teeth, but stop telling women to smile. It’s my face and I’ll wear whatever expression I want.

Day 11: Mental Health & Marie Kondo

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