Throwback Thursday: Why 90s Kids Thought We Were Financially Set for Life

Two words: Beanie Babies.

Gotta catch 'em--oh wait, wrong fad.
Gotta catch ’em–oh wait, wrong fad.

90s kids were led to believe that if we hoarded enough Beanie Babies, we could sell them in the future  and not only would we be able to pay for college, but we would be set for life.

Fuck yeah.

Four reasons why you thought Beanie Babies would be our future financial security:

1. You had one (or more) of the dinosaurs.

img-thing

These were so rare during the height of the fad that you would have sold your own mother for one with the tag still attached. Speaking of . . .

2. You kept the tags on every single Beanie Baby.

The thin red line between "valuable" and "worthless crap."
The thin red line between “valuable” and “worthless crap.”

When I was in fourth grade, I was friends with a girl named Whitney. Whitney gave me a Beanie Baby for my birthday but when I opened it, she said, “Oh, shoot, I forgot,” and reached over, took the toy from me, and ripped off the tag.

We weren’t friends for long.

3. You forced your parents to drive you all over creation to collect the Teeny Beanie Babies from McDonald’s.

DON'T BREAK THE SEAL ON THAT BAG!
DON’T BREAK THE SEAL ON THAT BAG!

They were totally worth eating your body weight in Happy Meals.

4. You had the Princess Diana bear.

Goddamn right you had a case.
Goddamn right you had a case.

You were told that this bear was the Beanie Baby to end all Beanie Babies. You almost might have slightly lost your mind and after hearing crazy news reports of people stealing them left and right, you might have hid your own. Then, being a little bit of a dumbass, you forgot where you hid it and you might have wrongfully accused a family member of stealing it. Then you might have found it and felt super embarrassed for throwing a fit.

Sorry, Aunt Susie.
Sorry, Aunt Susie.

 

So where are we now with Beanie Babies? Well . . . the majority of them aren’t worth their stuffing. You can still find buyers for some of the ones with defects but let’s be real–most of them are sitting in boxes in your parents’ garage.

This . . . this is why we are all up to our eyeballs in student loans.

Advertisements

Emily Regan is the author of several books, including "What's an Adult?: No One Knows Anything and We're All Going to Die." She is an avid fan of reality TV, an unironic Hanson fan, and currently resides in Arizona with her family.

2 thoughts on “Throwback Thursday: Why 90s Kids Thought We Were Financially Set for Life

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.