Throwback Thursday: Warheads

In the 90’s, many of us first experimented with BDSM through the use of slap bracelets (this may or may not have led to 50 Shades of Grey–sorry, world). Eventually, that became too tame for us and we started looking for more punishment–enter WarHead candies.

51 Shades of Grey: The Candy Shop
51 Shades of Grey: The Candy Shop

They came in five flavors ranging from tolerable to pure, unadulterated mouth hell. It’s been years since I’ve practiced this type of masochism but if I remember correctly, lemon was the least sour (because that makes sense), blue raspberry, watermelon, and green apple were moderately sour, and black cherry destroyed your cheeks like a nuclear warhead.


Because kids are jerks and we had no concern over things like cavities or diabetes, it was common practice to challenge your friends to cram as many of these candies in your mouth to see who would cry first.

You never back down from a triple-dog dare.
You never back down from a triple-dog dare.

Warheads are still available today (who knew?) and come in a variety of forms: regular hard candies, minis, sour spray (when you want to skip the candy and go straight to mouth pain), soft chews, dippers, coolers, and twists (whatever the crap those last three are). I looked it up and it turns out you weren’t as much of a wimp as you thought. Warheads now come with a printed warning about their acidity levels which can accelerate the destruction of tooth enamel. The sour spray has a pH level of 1.6 which is fairly close to battery acid (pH level 1).

This was our candy of choice, people. Something akin to battery acid.

This is why we're unemployed.
Dumb doesn’t even begin to cover it.

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