Throwback Thursday: Squeezits

Back in the 90s, there was a very popular drink that showed up in many a school lunch: Squeezits.

Red 40 never looked so good.
Red 40 never looked so good.

It was introduced in the mid 80s but really gained popularity in the 90s. Straws were for bitches and instead, we preferred to squeeze a plastic bottle so we could fling away the empty bottle like Thor smashing a coffee cup.

I found a commercial for Squeezits from 1994 and . . . well, just watch it:

There are a couple things I find a little disturbing. The Squeezits appear to be angry, feral, sentient creatures fighting for survival amongst the groceries. The children then twist off the tops of their heads and suck the life force out of them and yet the Squeezits don’t die. Instead, they huddle together, broken, drained, and trying to brace themselves for either another fight or the quiet embrace of death.

There is no more fun. God has abandoned the Squeezits.

The fact that we’re not all serial killers is kind of amazing.

One thought on “Throwback Thursday: Squeezits

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