Throwback Thursday: Orbitz

Have you ever gotten really stoned and wished you could drink your lava lamp? Because someone at the Clearly Canadian Beverage Corporation did and in 1997, we ended up with Orbitz.

Does anyone else have the munchies?
Does anyone else have the munchies?

Being high is the only plausible explanation for why this drink was created. Who has ever been excited to see something floating in their drink? That’s generally considered a bad thing.

It's gross and unfortunate, not ironic.
It’s gross and unfortunate,
but not ironic.

For those of you who made more responsible choices in the 90s and are wondering what a terrible beverage has to do with a discount travel company, Orbitz was a drink introduced in 1997 and was quickly pulled from shelves due to low sales. It was essentially a clear soda with tiny balls of grossness floating in it. But to get the balls to float (insert dirty joke here), a gelatin-like substance called gellan gum had to be added to the soda to achieve the desired effect.

"We're pretty sure this won't result in cancer."
“We’re pretty sure this won’t give you cancer.”

Now imagine drinking somewhat fizzy gel that’s vaguely flavored with raspberry citrus, blueberry melon strawberry, pineapple banana cherry, vanilla orange, or black currant berry.

It was basically shitty bubble tea.
It was basically shitty bubble tea.

Flat soda with crap floating in it–it’s a complete mystery why this drink didn’t even last a year.

Don't think too hard, Champ, you might hurt yourself.
Don’t think too hard, Champ, you might hurt yourself.

If nothing I’ve said has deterred you from this drink and you’re upset that you missed your chance to try it, you might get another opportunity. Due to nostalgic demand, Clearly Canadian announced in 2013 that they were considering bringing back this god awful drink to disappoint a whole new generation. From what I could find, no official moves have been made to actually follow through on this threat promise. But if you want to do your part, you can sign this petition and become the 149th person since 2009 to fight for the return of this drink.

I know it looks fancy but for the love of God, please let this drink stay dead.
I know it looks fancy but for the love of God,
please let this drink stay dead.
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