K is for Kids Typing

While most of my friends learned to type with computer programs like Mavis Beacon and Mario Teaches Typing, I played Kids Typing.

Don't worry, no one else has heard of this either.
Don’t worry,
no one else has heard of this either.

Released in 1993, this game was, predictably, software used to teach typing to kids. The basic premise is that you visit a house haunted by a ghost named “Spooky” which is only a slightly more original name than Holly Golightly naming her cat “Cat.”

"You renamed yourself "Holly Golightly" and I have to just be 'Cat'? Screw you, lady."
“You renamed yourself “Holly Golightly” and I have to just be ‘Cat’?
Screw you, lady.”

Spooky would escort you around the house and after you’d practiced typing, you could go around to various rooms of the house and participate in timed typing challenges that would cause something spooky to happen . . . kind of like Paranormal Activity but without the annoying handheld cameras. Usually, something would levitate like furniture or babies because that’s a logical progression from objects to defenseless, tiny humans.

Is anyone else creeped the fuck out by Spooky's facial expression?
Why is the baby unattended in the dining room at 8:00 at night?

However, it’s not like anyone else in the house was paying all that much attention to the random floating objects/people so I guess maybe the family is just used to it.

"The TV floats all the time. This is totally normal."
“The TV floats all the time.
This is totally normal.”

If you didn’t feel like haunting the family, you could practice typing full sentences by going up to the attic and typing out fairy tales like Cinderella or The Ugly Duckling.

Is anyone else bothered by Spooky's frozen, serial killer smile?
Is anyone else bothered by Spooky’s
frozen, serial killer smile?

I usually spent my time in the game doing this, partly because I like reading and partly because timed tests give me anxiety.

Although I have admittedly been starting a lot of sentences with "My therapist says . . ."

If you feel like watching a walkthrough of the game narrated by someone who talks way too much, you can watch this YouTube video and enjoy Spooky’s annoying (yet slightly creepy) voice as he exclaims “Let’s go up to the attic!”

All things considered, it wasn’t a bad typing game. I may be the only person I know who used this game but my typing speed is 90 words per minute so take that.

Maybe if I type fast enough I can escape from that creepy smile.
Maybe if I type fast enough,
I can escape from that creepy smile.

Happy Throwback Thursday!

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Emily Regan is the author of several books, including "What's an Adult?: No One Knows Anything and We're All Going to Die." She is an avid fan of reality TV, an unironic Hanson fan, and currently resides in Arizona with her family.

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