Throwback Thursday: “Rico Suave”

If that slimy feeling you get when a creepy dude hits on you had a theme song, it would be “Rico Suave.”

“Rico Suave” was a 1990 single by Ecuadorian rapper Gerardo, and it’s basically four minutes of him repeating “Rico Suave” in the creepiest sexiest way possible. In between pelvic thrusts, Gerardo raps a bilingual brag of his prowess with the ladies, which is understandable because I don’t know how any woman would be able to resist poetry like this:

Breathtaking
Shakespeare ain’t got shit on Gerardo.

He also brags about being two hours late for a date because the girl insisted he meet her parents. In case you’ve forgotten what he looks like, check out the photo below–what woman sees that guy and says, “YES! THIS is the one I bring home to mom and dad!”?

Everything about this photo just screams "douche."
Everything about this photo just screams “douche.”

Gerardo has often referred to himself as the Latin Elvis and the Latin Frank Sinatra, which tells us that tying a bandana too tightly can result in brain damage. They should really consider adding a warning label.

For some, the warning comes too late.
For some, the warning comes too late.

While Gerardo is best known as a one-hit wonder, he actually produced a total of six studio albums. However, none of his other songs rivaled his “Rico Suave” success. He eventually moved behind the scenes as a record executive and within the last few years, he also became a youth pastor.

Yeah. This guy.
Yeah. This guy.

He also had a short-lived reality show on VH1 called Suave Says, which followed life at home with Gerardo, his wife, and their three kids.

There are no immediate plans for a second season. I fell like this is self-explanatory.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go wash my hands because while writing this post, I’ve just listened to this song more times in one sitting than any human should.

Pictured: Me
Pictured: Me

Happy Throwback Thursday!

One Comment on “Throwback Thursday: “Rico Suave”

  1. The pride of ECUADOR!!
    seriously, the dude is like STILL a somewhat celebrity: appearing in commercials, billboards and TV shows…..

    so….. so bad

    Like

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