Writing Kink: BDSM

BDSM, or Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism, is a form of erotic play that can be incredibly intense and fulfilling for those who enjoy it. But writing a BDSM scene can be challenging, especially if you want to make it both accurate and enjoyable. In this blog post, we’ll explore some tips for writing an accurate and enjoyable BDSM scene that will engage your readers.

Research

The first step in writing an accurate BDSM scene is to research the topic. BDSM involves a wide range of activities, and it’s essential to understand the nuances of each activity, including the physical and emotional impact on the participants. You can find information about BDSM in books, online forums, and websites that focus on BDSM education and community like the resources listed below:

  • Books and Articles: There are many books and articles available that provide information about BDSM practices, etiquette, and community. Some recommended books include The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy, Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns by Philip Miller and Molly Devon, and SM 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman.
  • Online Forums: Online forums like FetLife and Collarspace provide a platform for BDSM enthusiasts to connect and share their experiences. These forums can be an excellent resource for writers to learn more about the BDSM community and engage in discussions with members.
  • Workshops and Events: BDSM workshops and events can provide writers with firsthand experience and knowledge of the BDSM community. Attending workshops and events like the BDSM Writers Con can provide insight into the BDSM lifestyle, practices, and etiquette.
  • Consult with BDSM Educators and Practitioners: BDSM educators and practitioners can provide valuable insights and guidance on BDSM practices, etiquette, and community. Many BDSM educators and practitioners offer consultations and coaching sessions for writers looking to improve their understanding and portrayal of BDSM.
  • Sensitivity Readers: Sensitivity readers can provide feedback on the portrayal of BDSM in a writer’s work. They can offer insights into the community’s practices, culture, and etiquette and ensure that the portrayal is respectful and accurate.

Create Realistic Characters

When writing a BDSM scene, it’s crucial to create realistic characters that your readers can relate to. Consider the motivations and desires of your characters and how they express them through BDSM activities. Avoid stereotypes and cliches, and instead, create complex characters with unique personalities.

Set the Scene

The setting of your BDSM scene is essential in creating an immersive experience for your readers. Think about the location, lighting, and atmosphere, and how it can enhance the experience. Whether it’s a dark dungeon or a luxurious hotel room, the setting can make all the difference in how the scene is perceived.

Communication is Key

Communication is critical in BDSM, and it’s essential to portray this in your writing. Ensure that your characters communicate their needs, desires, and boundaries throughout the scene. Safe words should also be included to show the importance of consent and respect for each other’s limits. If your characters aren’t communicating, there’s a problem.

Build Tension and Release

A BDSM scene should have a natural progression of tension and release. Start with light activities, such as spanking or bondage, and gradually increase the intensity. The climax of the scene should be satisfying and cathartic for the characters and the readers.

Avoid harmful stereotypes

BDSM has often been misrepresented in popular culture, leading to harmful stereotypes. It’s essential to avoid these stereotypes in your writing and instead, focus on the consensual and respectful nature of BDSM. Avoid portraying BDSM as a form of abuse or as something that is only enjoyed by those with psychological issues (looking at you, 50 Shades of Gray and creepy dudes on dating apps that define themselves as “alphas”).

Writing BDSM scenes can be an exciting and fulfilling experience for both writers and readers. However, it’s crucial to approach the topic with sensitivity, respect, and accuracy. By doing research, seeking feedback from members of the BDSM community, and using resources such as books, articles, workshops, and sensitivity readers, writers can create engaging and authentic BDSM scenes. Remember, while it’s essential to write with accuracy and respect, it’s also important to have fun and explore the boundaries of the BDSM world creatively—playing with rules can be liberating. With the right mindset and resources, writers can write BDSM scenes that are not only enjoyable but also respectful and authentic to the community.


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