Throwback Thursday: Chain Wallets

The other day, I was leaving a store I’ll refer to as “Shmarget” after spending entirely too much money (again) when I saw an accessory that I haven’t seen in many, many years: a chain wallet.

That's right, ladies. Get in line.
That’s right, ladies.
Get in line.

What I found funny about the guy wearing the chain wallet was that he didn’t necessarily look like the type to wear this sort of accessory. He wore a button up shirt, pleated front khakis (guys, please never wear these, they don’t look good on anyone), and sensible shoes . . . set off with a chain wallet.

The guy looked like an accountant with attitude, which I assume is basically the same gist as NWA.
The guy looked like an accountant with attitude, which I assume is basically the same gist as NWA.

I understand the practicality of a chain wallet for the sole fact that it’s harder to steal. Unless you have bolt cutters of some kind, which would make you a very obvious mugger and people would probably avoid you anyway as the weird guy carrying around bolt cutters.

"Don't mind me, I'm a regular Shmarget shopper, just like you."
“Don’t mind me. I’m a regular Shmarget shopper, just like you.”

In the 90s, I certainly saw the need for a chain wallet. With JNCOs as the popular pants of choice, it could be easy for a wallet to get lost in such voluminous pants, necessitating a tether of some sort and let’s be real–a chain looks more badass than that plastic braided lanyard you made at summer camp.

Nothing says "hardcore" like cheap plastic crap you made yourself.
Nothing says “hardcore” like cheap plastic crap you made yourself.

Are chain wallets a thing again? Did I miss some kind of memo? I didn’t personally have one but is this something I can expect to see more often? Is this a way of turning adults into leash kids? Are people just more excited by chains lately because of 50 Shades of Grey?

Everything is your fault.
Everything is your fault.

Whatever the reason, I feel like this is a trend that should avoid coming back into popularity. I know the 90s have been experiencing a resurgence over the last couple years but there’s a difference between a cute girl wearing a crop top and a dude with a chain wallet that’s decorated in blue flames.

This is the wallet my husband had when we started dating. Yes, I married him anyway.
This is the wallet my husband had when we started dating.
Yes, I married him anyway.
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Emily Regan is the author of several books, including "What's an Adult?: No One Knows Anything and We're All Going to Die." She is an avid fan of reality TV, an unironic Hanson fan, and currently resides in Arizona with her family.

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