Throwback Thursday: “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving”

Most of you are hopefully spending the day with loved ones but just in case you’re hiding in the bathroom from your racist relatives, here’s a Throwback Thursday post to read on your phone while you pretend the cranberry sauce is raging a storm inside of you.

"Uh . . . I'm gonna be a while . . ."
“Uh . . . I’m gonna be a while . . .”

The video begins with Lucy screwing over Charlie Brown during a game of football because nothing goes together like Thanksgiving, football, and being a complete asshole.

She'll be sorry when Charlie Brown eventually snaps and goes on a murderous rampage.
She’ll be sorry when Charlie Brown eventually snaps and goes on a murderous rampage.

Charlie Brown and his sister, Sally, are preparing to go to their grandparents’ house to celebrate the holiday with their family. Before they leave, Peppermint Patty calls Charlie Brown and invites herself, her life partner, Marcie, and their token black friend, Franklin, over for Thanksgiving because apparently none of them have families or adult supervision. Charlie Brown decides to bail on his grandmother’s house to cook for his friends but then he admits to Linus that he doesn’t know how to cook anything other than cold cereal and “maybe toast.”

How low is your self esteem when you don't even have the confidence to pull off toast?
How low is your self esteem when you don’t even have the confidence to pull off toast?

Linus tells Charlie Brown not to worry and orders Snoopy and Woodstock to set up a table for everyone because it wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without a white man coming into someone else’s home and bossing everyone around.

This is because he's partially black, isn't it?
This is because he’s partially black, isn’t it?

Once they’re done setting up the table, Snoopy and Woodstock prepare the Thanksgiving feast of toast and candy while Charlie Brown has a nervous breakdown at the thought of having to interact with other people.

Look at Charlie Brown. That is not the face of a well adjusted child.
Look at Charlie Brown.
That is not the face of a well-adjusted child.

Peppermint Patty, Marcie, and Franklin arrive for dinner and Patty tries way too hard to prove she’s straight by hitting on Charlie Brown in front of Marcie.

And Marcie retreated further into the closet,  slowly dying inside.
And Marcie retreats further into the closet,
slowly dying inside.

However, Peppermint Patty’s affection for Charlie Brown is short-lived once she sees what’s on the menu. She starts screaming at Charlie Brown for not preparing a proper Thanksgiving meal despite the fact that she gave him about ten minutes notice.

I think we all know who is going to be punished for Charlie Brown's failings as a host.
I think we all know who is going to be punished
for Charlie Brown’s failings as a host.

Marcie quietly points out to Peppermint Patty that maybe she shouldn’t be such a raging bitch and should go apologize to Charlie Brown. While Patty is apologizing, Charlie Brown’s grandmother calls, presumably to ask why he and his sister didn’t arrive with their parents. Charlie Brown explains that his friends are still at their house and Charlie Brown’s grandmother, realizing that there is a houseful of unsupervised, hungry children, invites all of the kids over to her house to eat so no one will be taken away by CPS.

I just watched this and still have no idea who drove this car.
I just watched this and still have no idea who drove this car.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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