Monday Morning Regrets: Week 5

Apparently, all I needed to do in order to win in my fantasy leagues was announce my plans to write haikus about how much I hate my teams, because for the second week in a row, it looks like I’m going to win both of my match ups. Granted, one of them is because my opponent didn’t bother to set his lineup so he had three bye week players on his roster. As for the other one, my opponent is now 0-5, so he hasn’t been having a great season so far. But I’ll take the wins–I’m really not picky.

Despite the positive outcome of both of my games, it wasn’t always a sure thing. I spent a decent amount of time shouting at Phillip Rivers because I needed him to come through for me just this one goddamn time because Trevor Siemian is on a bye week and JESUS CHRIST, RIVERS, STOP EMBARRASSING ME.

But even Phillip Rivers pulled through and ended up netting me 29 points in my PPR league. Was it as good as Dak Prescott’s 51 points in my other league? No, but it was far better than the 9 points Rivers had after he threw that interception.

Hey, Phillip Rivers,
You finally did your job.
The Chargers still suck.

Probably the worst part of Sunday was watching Odell Beckham Jr. get hurt. I have OBJ in one league (my team name is Saved by Odell) and although he got me 13 points before he went out, it was devastating to watch him get hurt. Not just for my selfish reasons of wanting to kick everyone’s ass in fantasy football, but because it’s horrible to see these guys in so much pain. I know they signed up to play a rough contact sport, blah blah blah, but that doesn’t mean I have to enjoy watching one of my favorite players sob in pain as he’s carted off the field because I still have a soul. The same is true for JJ Watt, who went out during the Texans v. Chiefs game with a tibial plateau fracture. I have a very big soft spot for JJ Watt and that was also terrible. Can players I like stop getting hurt? Not that I’m wishing for players I don’t like to get hurt . . . you get where I’m going with this.

Injuries today
JJ Watt and OBJ
No, I’m not crying

I was hoping the Texans would rally and come back to beat the Chiefs for JJ Watt (the fact that they’re a division rival of the Broncos only had a little bit to do with it). However, despite Deshaun Watson and Will Fuller’s best efforts, the Chiefs still won because I’m pretty sure Andy Reid sold his soul to Satan before the start of this season. It’s the only way to explain why the Chiefs are 5-0.

Chiefs coach Andy Reid
Sold his soul to the dark lord
Voldemort is real

This post has taken a weird turn. I think it’s best if I sign off.