Monday Morning Regrets: Week 6

Sounds of Sunday night:
Some incoherent sobbing,
Cursing the heavens

Well, I knew it was too good to be true. This week, I lost in one of my leagues. The score won’t be finalized until tomorrow night, but the score is currently 81.5-118 so unless Rishad Matthews gets almost 40 points tomorrow, I think it’s safe to say I lost.

In general, my team was just a little sad this week. Since Aaron Rodgers broke his collarbone, Jordy Nelson didn’t get nearly as much attention as he normally would have. Then, Odell Beckham Jr. is out for the season and Dez Bryant was on a bye, so I had to fill a receiver position in my roster. For some reason, I chose to fill this spot with Danny Amendola of the New England Patriots.

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You son of a bitch.

Like any self-respecting fan of the Denver Broncos, I hate the Patriots. My ringtone is a song called “Fuck You, Tom Brady.” But I can’t argue that those cheaters win games. I knew that picking up Amendola was a risky move because with Julian Edelman out for the season, I knew Brady was going to spread the love around.

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Take that however you want.

Gronk is always a favorite target of his (and I have him in my other league) and this season, Brady has been favoring Chris Hogan in Edelman’s absence. However, it does seem like every time I need Brady to throw the ball to Gronk, he throws it to Amendola and ruins my fucking day/match up. With that in mind, I decided to take a chance on Amendola as a filler receiver this week.

Screenshot 2017-10-15 at 11.11.11 PM
This is a screencap from my actual team.

On the plus side, I won in my other league so at least I’m 1-1 this week. Granted, the guy I’m playing against in that league forgot to set his lineup and had a running back on his roster who was on a bye, but whatever. I’m going to pretend I won because of my superior fantasy football skills.

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Delusion!

Then came time for the Denver Broncos to play the New York Giants. Aside from Eli Manning, the Giants have almost no starters at the moment because everyone is broken. As a result, I think all of us whose hearts live in Broncos Country went into this game a little cocky . . . and then the Giants stomped all over us.

Sobbing quietly
Just kidding, I’m really loud
My dogs are frightened

It’s hard for me to pick which moment of the game was my least favorite, but I think I’d have to say it was when Trevor Siemian threw an interception and then tried to tackle the defensive player that intercepted him, resulting in Siemian hurting his shoulder and having to go to the locker room before the half.

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Actual footage of me when this happened

Siemian hurt his shoulder last year, so I was having a bit of a meltdown wondering if this was going to be the end of his season. Why would that be so bad? Well, because Paxton Lynch is hurt (and not ready to be a starter) and Brock Osweiler still plays like Brock Osweiler.

TREVOR SIEMIAN!
STOP THROWING BLOCKS, YOU MORON!
WE CAN’T WIN WITH BROCK!

I know everyone always says the referees call their team unfairly . . . and I am no exception. Von Miller is always held on nearly every play but there are almost never any holding calls. One of the Giants commited an egregious act of pass interference against Bennie Fowler III but there was no flag–and then there was C.J. Anderson.

CJ-Anderson
You tried, man.

C.J. Anderson CLEARLY broke the plane of the end zone with the football and the top half of his body, but the refs didn’t give the Broncos the touchdown because fuck you, that’s why.

Everyone complains,
but WE DESERVED THAT TOUCHDOWN
CAUSE C.J. WAS IN

The Broncos loss hurt a lot more than my fantasy football loss, but the pain is numbed a little by the fact that both the Raiders and the Chiefs lost, too. Unfortunately, the Raiders losing means the Chargers won. However, I bet both of the remaining Chargers fans were happy about that, so I guess that’s something.

Philip Rivers1
God dammit, Philip Rivers.

 

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Emily Regan is the author of several books, including "What's an Adult?: No One Knows Anything and We're All Going to Die." She is an avid fan of reality TV, an unironic Hanson fan, and currently resides in Arizona with her family.

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